Ten Ways to Parliament

Parrot has conducted an extensive and intensive research on the swiftest ways to clinch a parliamentary seat in our beloved Republic of Sierra Leone. With utmost delight, the wise flying creature wishes to share some of his findings to help power-hungry citizens to zoom their way to the big house of laws. If you want to enter parliament overnight, then follow the following instructions:

1. Jet in from overseas or from the UN with a hyper-expensive and flashy BOMBA jeep with few thousand United States Dollars in your pocket.
2. Then hurry to join the SLPP if you are from the South-East or the APC if you are from the North-West; pay your contributions regularly and make sure you regularly attend party meetings.
3. In those meetings, make sure speak very bombastic English to tell them that you are from abroad, not forgetting to make a moonshine of flamboyant promises to transform Sierra Leone into a paradise on planet within few hours.
4. Don’t forget to buy bundles of the Shankerdas-made concentrated Pegapak and bags of Cannabis Sativa in preparation for the campaign by the youths. Print few dozens of T-shirts on which must be inscribed your mission statement for the future paradise you wish to bring if voted solidly to power.
5. Always rent a mob of drugged youths for not more than ten thousand Leones per day for your sporadic rallies
6. When you visit the villages, hire a big community center and galvanize the hungry villagers; just promise them that when you get their votes, their hunger will vanish and they will never go to bed on empty stomach.
7. Don’t forget to save part of your few thousand US Dollars to buy your party symbol at all cost, bribe all the delegates if possible and automatically get the party symbol; whether or not you are qualified for it does not matter as long as you have the bread.
8. On the day of election, be very vigilant and be on your guard for void votes. Just follow the above instructions and tomorrow you are in parliament.

PROFESSOR PARROT

With Joseph Milton Lebbie

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