How to make love stay

With reference to the last article I wrote on “Why Relationships Fail” I got several views coming in from people keen to get a word in, one of them being, that people don’t think carefully before entering into a relationship.  During our early blossoming and ripening years, life seems so simple. Life just unfolds before your eyes. Then suddenly that miracle trigger called instinct kicks in and we find ourselves wanting something perhaps more mature, more stable and responsible begins to creep in. We get the need to be developing ourselves and ascertain our path in life; hence a relationship – a healthy one but before you get to that stage you have to really search within yourself and only you can really know what you want.  If you are perfectly willing to question yourself and be perfectly honest with the answers, then there’s no just reason why the decisions you make shouldn’t be the right ones.

When you feel you’ve done quite a good mind search on issues that make you, take a look at your to-be partner’s life and try to merge his lifestyle, attitude to yours. It’s hard to be objective at the start of a relationship but really scrutinizing the situation is crucial to your future happiness. e.g. ‘When I’m with him do I change to fit in with him?’ And most importantly, ‘Does he make me feel good?” If this is going to be a long-lasting relationship then shared values are also crucial.  Most fearfully and most crucial the question that is most important is ‘Am I ready to fall in love?’ So often we think it’s what we want but often we are not in the right place. If you feel the both of you are not investing enough energy or are feeling insecure and confused then it’s probably not down to the stresses you are facing in life but rather the fact that you are not facing them with the right person. So take a deep breath, be honest with yourself and don’t just think about the smiles and happiness but also the tears and endurance because, trust me dear Readers ‘love hurts.’

Another view that I concurred with is dependency. It might stroke a man’s ego that you are completely dependent on him but after a while that egoistic feeling is going to turn sour. Rather your partner will consider you a burden. In life we all want someone that complements us.  Remember love is not just about giving it’s also about receiving. Don’t expect someone else to replace what’s missing in your life. Remember if you depend on someone else to complete you ultimately you’ll never be happy thus insecurity and exploitation. You might not be fully independent but try to have a life of your own that will complement your spouse’s do, something solid that will earn you respect. Don’t just take; give if even a little bit. Remember, it’s the little things that really matter.

A famous complaint I received from both sides is the issue of patience. ‘Rome was not built in a day.’ From the information gathered, it appears that there’s not a lot of patience going round these days which quickly ends or stills a relationship. One has to be willing to work at some part that builds the relationship. A relationship does not have to be perfect to work, but it has to have two people who are committed to making it work. Relationships are ongoing projects. Things might not be moving as fast as you’ll like them to be, but it takes time and patience. Take a look at your life and review yourself 10 years ago. Obviously you are not the same person you were back then .What happened? Work happened and that, took patience. Work diligently at your relationship; try to iron out the kinky and rough sides. “Perseverance makes a man…”

Acceptance is a key factor too to having a secure relationship. Obviously we are all different and hence different habits and lifestyles. Hard as we may try to change and mould people to what we want them to be we cannot and often this tends to be fatal as anger and discontent is born. “I like my man for his works but love him for his weaknesses.” We have to accept that we can’t change certain things about certain people and the earlier we realize that the better and more time to find a strategy of coping with it. As earlier said there’s no such thing about a perfect relationship but you can form a good lasting one. Accepting each other’s flaws means loving them. So if you’ve really thought really hard about what you want and feel that you can’t bear your partner’s flaws and form a compromise then you know what to do dear Reader to make your love grow and stay.

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