How much should you take in a relationship?

Perseverance and patience are key links that help to solidify a relationship, but the question is “How much can you take? The statement ‘love is blind’ can apply but I’m sure not in all cases. I believe that love is about accepting and overcoming problems or just leaving it. In a healthy relationship one has to be able to say no. Of course no one is perfect and we are all different individuals- hence different characters, traits and personalities.

To really decide on how far your limits are to your partner’s seeming bad habits, you need to first of all evaluate yourself and mentally note your character and your principles as against those that you might take or not take from your partner. Only then can you truly know what you want or require from your partner in a relationship. Sometimes insecurity of being found wanting or needy tends to stop us from being able to voice and express our feelings and views on the attitude of a partner and we end up bearing grievances which do not bode well for a healthy relationship.

One must be very careful especially at the growth stage of a relationship with the things we do and say and in this case the rules we apply subconsciously or otherwise. My dear readers trust me, the pattern you set in your relationship is vital to your success and your happiness in future. With an ever rising campaign for gender equality and the successful strides of both men and women making history there shouldn’t be room for insecurity in a relationship. You must be able to say no. Of course if one said no to whatsoever a partner did then that would not bode for a good and healthy relationship.

A question you’ll presumably ask is “When do I say no?” As individuals we all have our own principles, ethical views and standards that most often different from our partners. Understand this dear reader that to have a good relationship; one must be able to connect with your partner… if not then that relationship has a slim chance of surviving the raging turmoil and tribulations that love throws at you.

Sometimes we have to make concessions but not be dormant as in ‘let sleeping dogs lie.’ When you feel that your partner’s attitude and approach to certain things that are bound to affect the relationship or you personally, common sense calls for saying no in such instance. When you feel stretched out and used; say no. When you start feeling inferior to your partner mostly as result of his attitude towards you, you say no.

Accepting the situation and praying it go away will not help you rather it will destroy and waste your time at true happiness. You deal with it or leave it; leaving it means that you are ready to bear or ignore all that come after; hence grievances, pain and going against your principles. Dealing with it ensures that your partner has a clearer understanding of you as a person and a possibility of a compromise presents itself hence the whole thing culminates into a deeper and healthier relationship.

Another question one might be prone to ask is “How do I say no?” In a loving healthy and relationship where we feel that things are not going right, we must be able to communicate our fears and discontent in an equally civil manner. Saying no to a person hurts his/her feeling and leaves them feeling vulnerable and less sure of themselves. In order not to create a wedge between yourself and your partner you must be delicate in matters that affect you and are bound to affect the relationship too. Remind your partner in a conversational and civil tone about your principles and gently hit it in him that in one way or the other he is disrespecting you. Don’t allow self and partner’s temper to flare up and if even so, try to calm down so as not to end it all in a big fight or row.

Explain to him/her about where you see a problem, respect partner’s views and principles and somehow try to reach an understanding that will leave both sides satisfied. Of course usually it doesn’t work out that way and if you can’t reach a compromise one too many times then you need to start thinking of ending that relationship because my dear reader it will eat you up!

The statement ‘love is blind’ can apply though in some cases but I do not agree with that; it doesn’t and should not work in all cases. I strongly believe that, it’s just a cliché. In a relationship, everything counts especially the little details like switching off your cell phone or appearing fidgety in unusual circumstances. That gift called instinct never lets one down. But if we were to act on it in every situation that surrounds the relationship, then there would be no time for development and growth. Some things we need to let go, compromise and accept for the sake of developing a long-lasting relationship. In other words we need to turn a blind eye on some things though that does not mean we should be dead to the realities of life.  Of course we see things in relationships but sometimes we tend to let go but store them for further evaluation. If we are satisfied with the results then we can let go. Remember you need to be happy in order to make a happy relations hip.

I would love to get your comments and views on my articles. Write to bonkichik001@yahoo.com

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