How to make your relationship work

With reference to the last article I wrote on Why Relationships Fail I got several views coming in from people keen to know about developing and sustaining a relationship. A concerned lady expressed that most people don’t think carefully before entering into a relationship. 

During our early blossoming and ripening years; life seems so simple. Life just unfolds before our eyes. Then suddenly that miracle trigger called instinct kicks in and we find ourselves wanting something perhaps more mature, more stable and responsible. We get the need to develop ourselves and ascertain our path in life; hence a relationship, a healthy one preferably. But before you get to that stage you have to really search within yourself and only you can really know what you want.  If you are perfectly willing to question yourself and be perfectly honest with the answers, then there’s no just reason why the decisions you make shouldn’t be the right ones.

When you feel you’ve done quite a good mind search on issues that make you take a look at your to-be partners life and try to merge his lifestyle with that part of your life you appreciate-his attitude, lifestyle against yours. Most times, it’s hard to be objective at the start of a relationship but really scrutinizing the situation is crucial to your future happiness. Searching your self to ascertain things like, ‘When I’m with him do I need change to fit his way of doing and looking at things?’ And most importantly, ‘Doe’s he make me feel good?’

If in your perception it is going to be a long-lasting relationship then the issue shared values are also crucial. A mind bugging question in this respect on the onset might be ‘Am I ready to fall in love? So often we think it’s what we want but often we are not in the right place. If you feel you are not investing enough energy or are feeling insecure and confused, then its probably not down to the stresses you are facing in life but rather the fact that you are not facing them with the right person or the right mind frame. So take a deep breath, be honest with yourself and don’t just think about the smiles and happiness but also the tears and endurance because, trust me dear readers; love hurts; hurts more than you probably perceive, you have to be ready if you are to face the many inevitable challenges.

Another view that I concurred with from one contributor is the issue of dependency. It might be minuscule and gentle to stroke a man’s ego that you are completely dependent on him but after a while that egoistic feeling is going to turn sour. Then he begins to think of you as a burden. In life we all want someone that complements us but not seen sucking from us totally and entirely.  Remember love is not just about receiving; it’s much about what you give than what you must receive; which I thank is a fair enough principle which helps keep a healthy and symbiotic relationship.

Don’t expect someone else to replace what’s missing in your life. Remember if you depend on someone else to complete you ultimately you’ll never be happy thus insecurity and exploitation. You might not be fully independent but try to have a life of your own that will complement what your spouse does, something solid that will earn you respect. Don’t just take; give, even if it’s a little bit. Remember, it’s the little things that really matter.

A now regular complaint I have been receiving from both male and female contributors is on the issue of patience. Rome was not built in a day. From the information gathered, it appears that there’s not a lot of patience going round these days which quickly ends or stills a relationship. One has to be willing to work at some part that builds the relationship. A relationship does not have to be perfect to work, but it has to have two people who are committed to making it work. Relationships are ongoing projects. Things might not be moving as fast as you’ll like them to be, but it takes time and patience. Take a look at your life and review you 10 years ago. Obviously you are not the same person you were back then .What happened? Work happened and that, took patience. Work diligently at your relationship; try to iron out the kinky and rough sides. Perseverance makes a man… or a woman.

Acceptance is a key factor too to having a secure relationship. Obviously we are all different and hence different habits and lifestyles. Hard as we may try to change and mould people to what we want them to be, we cannot and often this tends to be fatal as anger and discontent is born. I like my man for his works but love him for his weaknesses. We have to accept that we can’t change certain things about certain people and the earlier we realize that the better and more time to find a strategy of coping with it. As earlier said, there’s no such thing about a perfect relationship but you can form a good lasting one, and accepting each others flaws means loving them. So if you’ve really thought really hard about what you want and feel that you cant bear your partners flaws and form a compromise then you know what to do dear reader.  I’d love to hear from you on how you make your relationship work and I would love to get your views comments and questions. Ta-Taa

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